Hidden Demons

Last Night I was awoken with a startle from one of my dreams. The Dream Was largly based on me running around in this strange area. Honeslty I think it was inspired from the game I just purchased yesterday, "Little Big Planet". But I was not bothered by that. Although odd it was quite the enjoyable dream. But what Startled me was the short but sudden change that happened in the dream.

As I was saying I was wondering around. It was an area that I had just cleaned up myself and was very proud. Not even a speck of dust was to be seen anywhere and it was quite the large area. I was almost hovering around I was moving so fast. Alot of ups and downs. Stairs and solid wooden boxes. It was a very colorful dream.

After I had run away for a while. I noticed a very dusty area I had not seen before. I went in and it actually looked alot like a room in my parents basement except slightly larger and where there is a concrete wall was a large opening into what looked to me like avery nice home theater room. Well I started to walk over to the room and noticed some sort of demond in the room, smoking what looked like a cigar. although I was not sure. I only saw his arm and a slight profile of his face. He called my name with the frightening deep crackly voice. It starteled me so much that I woke up right then.

I woke up with such a fright that I am not sure if the voice was part of my dream or if it was something in my room. because I work up mid word but heard the whole word. It really freaked me out. But I like to consider myself fairly brave at times. So after a very quick scan of my room I went back to sleep. But still it gave me quite the scare and really made me think. What did he represent. What inner demonds do I have that I have either forgotten abot or apparently do not know about. What is in my dusty unused basement.

The Woman I intend(ed) to marry.

(This is something that I wrote a few months back. I can say in many ways I do still feel the same but I feel it is all for not. I cannot talk to me Belle anymore. I do not feel she wants to see me anymore. But I would take her back if I knew she was still mine. But I don't know if that will ever happen.)

8/9/08

I have the most beautiful woman around me. she has the softest skin and a shine in her face. spunk in her attitude mixed in with a little sass and pride. I love my Belle and I want to world to know that. She is my world and what my life was ment for. I love to pamper her and buy her gifts and flowers, candies and all the little things that let her know that I am hers. I don't want to know what life is without her ever again. She is my ray of sunshine and my compas threw life. She is my streangth, will, & power. She can always put a smile on my face or make me cry when she is upset. I love to have her near me and to smell her close. I love to hold her and squeeze her and never want to let go. I love her laugh and I love to tickle her even when she begs me to stop. I like to encourage her to prove her streangths. I want to be her sugar dady and she can be my sugar mamma. Not with money but with hugs and kisses. I love my Cassandra Bell Mcmanama

Pick Your Poison.

I though I would give some of my thoughts on the whole McCain/Obama Presidential race. First of all I do not think either man is a devil or a saint. They are both men with flaws. Something that the American public seems incapable of seeing on either side. One is always viewed as incompitent or evil just depending on what side you vote for.

The sides can and are very diffrent. This is part of the root to the problem in America these days. "If your not arguing with someone then how could either of you be right?" for some people there has to be constant conflict, constant argument, constant hatred of the opposing team. Although this has always been part of life I believe that the media has brought it more to light. Giving people more to get upset about and more to argue about.

Talking around the cooler use to be the extent of most light harted but heated debates. Now we make instant comments on someones news article, or even on someones blog. Fights break out on this for multipule reasons. either someone does actually disagree with you, or someone is just looking for a fight. One is just fine and part of how life should be. The other is a childish act by someone.

So what does the media and are own actions have to do with the canidates? Well first of all Dirty politics in the past of back-biteing and false or twisted acusations has now started to show it's self in our daily lives. The politicians do not have to do the dirty politics anymore. The news does it for them and we add fuel to the fire. News stations rarely just give us the facts anymore. They have to interpret it for us also. They have to tell us what we think. They give us our opinion. Why? Because we told them to do it.

Now back to the presidential election. How do we choose our next President? How do we choose the next leader of the free world? I mean a debate would normally be a good thing. But these days politicians only tell us what we want to hear. They can fix the economy! They will fix all the faults of what the previous president or previous party! The economy will improve our incomes will go up and our stress levels will go down. They will fight for the people. The Middle and lower class. The working man/woman. They will do better than the other canidate. They will save us from ourselves. I am thinking I have heard this all before. I am hearing this from McCaine but more importantly I am hearing it from Obama - The outed parties for the past 8 years presidential canidate. Can we go off what they tell us? No!!! They have just as much of an idea on whats going to happen tomorrow as anyone else in the world. They are public speakers and are just trying to sell us what we already have.

So how about thier past? I mean Bill Clinton always wanted to be president, Ronald Reagon wall a well respected Actor. Two diffrent people for two diffrent background. We found faults with both. We have always found the faults in our leaders. But it just proves that we cannot go by who the person shows himself as.

Basically I don't think either canidate is perfect for the job. I think both would do great things for this country and both would struggle greatly with other things. So Pick your poison.

I am a flood victim

This past Friday I came home after going to work running errands getting some lunch with my mom and then going to the gym to find my bedroom carpet soaking wet. It was like walking on a sponge. every step and the carpet would just drain water all over sinking out deeper each time. a small pond surrounding your foot and then dissapering back into the floor as you took another step.

So I had to move everything out. Take apart my bed and move my nightstand and my very heavy dresser. (Ok honestly I had the carpet people move the dresser when they came to drain and clean the carpet. ) But still I did alot of work. I have gathered alot of crap over the past 2 years.

So the past few days I have been sleeping on an air mattress in a now extra bedroom while big industrial fans blow the carpet in my room dry.

I do hope to be back in my bed tonight or possibly tomorrow. But you never know for sure.

Oh how long has it been.

I have been asked alot recently how often I have been praying. By many diffrent people, not just one or two. I do not remember the last time that I got down on my kneese and prayed. I have never been one to say prayers in the first place. I do not like to ask for help. Maybe I am to stubborn, or maybe I am just too scared. Prayer just mean to me that I am going to be asking for help. Help for something that I should be able to do myself.

There is Beauty all around... Even when your at home.

Ha ha making a church song to fit my needs. So I have took a few pictures with my new phone. I love it. I have the new LG Dare from Verizon and I am still loving it. and here are some reasons why.

First of all My phone takes panoramic pictures :) this is a vew of the mountains from the park about 30 sec. from my home. it's a nice small little park. with a great view. Those are Beautiful mountains if I do say so myself.

this is the front view from my porch over the salt lake valley. it was a nice sunset. and they have always been difficult to catch with a camera phone. But I think this turned out quite well.

I do think I live in a very pretty area.

Sitting by the kitchen dreaming of food.

So I have been at my new office for a few weeks now. I have really been slacking on updating my blog and I am sorry to those 2 readers. So here is an update hopefully a very long and interesting one.

My new office is very nice I like all my bosses depending on the day and the job I can have up to 5 but usually it is just one or two. As you can see my desk is right by the break room. So I am getting up and drinking alot more water these days. A good thing but also the bathroom is a little further away and I am taking more of those breaks also. Ha it's funny how life evens out.
Also as you can see my life as a draftsman is full of clutter. paper paper everywhere comming at random times and coming in bulk. Maybe I have no choice but to be cluttered like this or maybe I just learned it from family. Either way I feel like a complete slob 5 days of the week.
But one of the best things of all is the fact that I am able to have money in the bank. I am not spending it on gas or snacks. or half as much soda "Water Breaks!!!" they are great.
I am still doing some projects in Revit. Possibly I will be taking some revit classes sometime soon and also I will be looking into taking some classes for a program called Microstation. I have not heard wonderful things about the program. But many govermenet entities require it. You know... To make things more difficult and less cost efficent. I love how my tax dollars are spent.
So then other news on the office front was the loss of the Junior Engineer at my office. I guess things were not working for either side and he was let go after around 2 months. So that added alot of pressure onto everyone in the company. Well atleast the draftsman that would be needing to pick up the slack and get to know his project that includes me. I think I am safe for atleast another two weeks. Actually out of what I heard I am safe for alot longer than that unless I really screw up. But you never know. I am hourly so that means first to be let go if things go badly.
On a good note. They have unofficially that this is the year that they take the entire company to Disneyland for a weekend. I don't have much more innfomation except for the fact that it will be sometime in early December. Also I am allowed and encouraged to bring one person along with me. As of two weeks ago I don't know who that is anymore. But that is another story I am still trying to cope with myself and would completly negate how I started this paragraph.
So I guess that just about covers it. I am doing well. I am making money and if I do well I will make more. and I have no other life to speak of still. Getting up and trying to get to work by 7am everyday is still a pain but I think I am getting better.