Wanting to change

Well there are so many things that I want right now. A Job that has decent pay would be nice. The ability to take a vacation and not feel guilty about leaving work for a week or two. (of course that would come after I get the job) I would also love to lose a little more weight. I seem to have gained back some of the stuff I lost recently.

But Of all these things the thing that I want to change the most is my attitude about my life. I have been letting myself get a little down. As you can see by my last post, I have been feeling a little unwanted for any type of work. I have to personally realize that this is only temporary. I have some great friends and family looking out for me. The give me work to do, they take me out to eat and they send ideas for work my way.

I need to get the motivation to get up every morning and do something besides turn on the TV. I am not normally a couch potato. But I have really picked it up over the past few months. I feel like I have nothing to do. when really I have plenty that I could be doing that would benefit me more than sitting in front of the TV watching some dumb mid morning show. I could be working out or I could be doing school work or I could be working on a hobby. There are so many other things I could do with my current situation.

So starting now I am going to limit my time on the Internet. I am going to post something on my Blog once a week just to keep my mind running if nothing else. I am going to get up early every morning and go work out. I am going to spend time drawing for at least a half hour every day on anything that comes to mind. I am going to do my schoolwork for that day before I turn on the TV. I am going to take the dog on a walk after I work out every morning and then take him on a walk before bed every night. I am going to make sure the pets are groomed every week. And I am going to make sure my wife helps me on everything because I know I will eventually fail if I do not have someone to support me.

These are my gaols. These are my way of saying to life you have not defeated me. This will be my way to take back what I have lost and what was taken from me. This is how I will prove to myself and others that I am willing and ready to work hard and smart. That I am a good person to have around. That I am trustworthy to myself and others and that I am the best person for any job that comes my way.

Not wanted.

So I keep learning the hard way that it is very difficult to get anywhere in this world. As of December of 2009 I have been out of work. I have applied for many jobs, but apparently I am not good enough for any of them.

The only full time job that I have gotten was one trying to sell credit card machines. Honestly I hated that job from day 2. I hated trying to sell a product that I didn't know anything about to someone that had possibly received a call 5 min earlier from someone trying to sell the same thing. I also noticed how dishonest you have to be. One of the salesman was constantly pushing that you should tell people that you are from somewhere else and not the company you say you are with. really. to make money I have to lie, even if it is a little white lie? I think I will stay unemployed thank you. I didn't earn one penny there. Just a headache and a lost ego.

So I have been job hunting since. No one is hiring or they have to many applicants in my chosen job field.

So a good friend of mine sent a job my way. He wanted me there and gave me a great reference and the man I would be working under said he really wanted me there. But the people that never met me said I was not good enough. Even though I am willing to work hard and learn as much as possible. Three things going for me and one thing against and I still lose.

Ugg! I am so tired of job hunting for jobs and getting nothing out of it. Sure they say there are jobs out there. But I can't pay my bills getting paid $8 or $10 an hour. So here I sit. Where a year ago I was making about $21 an hour, to now I am earning $12.5o an hour on unemployment.