Loved one lost but never forgotten.

This morning my loving father and friend passed on this morning after a fight with bone and prostate cancer. He never complained about his condition or pain and always put on a big smile for those he cared for and loved.
  The past two weeks have been his time to say goodbye to everyone as he had a constant flow of visitors at the hospital and at home. Even to the point that he wanted less people to drop by so that he could rest.
  During his past two weeks and even before that he was constantly cracking jokes and loved spending time with his family.
He has been an inspiration to me. Showing that although being successful is nice, having a family that loves and adores you is the most important thing anyone can have. You work hard for them and give you true meaning in your life.
I always knew my father had my back.and would support me in anything I did. He was a man of true love and had a big heart.

Struggles

Over the past week I have had to come to terms with events and other things going on in my life. I have come to find that I am more ment to follow at this immediate point in my life rather than lead even if I am against everything that I am being asked to do. What am I being asked to do? It is to step back and let my father die.
I know I am wrong to want to fight this losing battle. But I also know I am justified to fight it. I honestly believe that my dad has more time left than what his doctor has given him. I know he has more life to live.
I know I still have time with him. I also know once he is gone my life will continue. But I am selfish. Disease has taken away one of my dads younger sisters 3 years ago and now it is doing the same thing to my dad. But before them both my grand father and great grandma both lived into their late 90's. So from my calculations I should have another 30 years with my parents. Yet I am now being told I have only another 3 or 4 weeks with my dad. I still have life experiences to share and grandkids for him to meet when they are born. I still have vacations and fishing trips, arguments and hugs that we were suppose to share with eachother. But that it all being painfully cut short.
All this and I am being told to male him as comfortable as possible. Don't fight it anymore. Accept it and prepare to move on. Well to this I have to say NO! This is not how I fight. I am vicious and mean in my fights. I might get beaten one time but I will come back and fight some.more. I Keep going until I get to my goal. Right now my goal is not to keep my dad alive for another 30 years. It is to fight his depression and give him not just something to live for but a way to live it. My dad is still a fighter he has just been beaten down and needs someone to come lift him up. Someone to come push off his attacker. Let him recover from his wounds or if it be die from them.
Cancer is that bully that will continue to beat you down. I want to find a way to fight off that bully. I might be too late for my dad. But is it not worth trying?

Sad days still can bring joy

So the past week along with the past year has been full of bad news. My dad who I love and respect has been fighting bone cancer for over a year and just recently was admitted to the hospital. His current doctor who I call the doctor of death only brings bad news and gives short time lines.
But through all of this I have found that even with all the crap I am wading through, there are times of joy still to be found. I get to see my family that live in areas on average 3.5 hours or more away. I get to see friends that time has not permitted for us to get together. On top of this all my dad in his pain is still cracking jokes and singing songs.
One of my dads friends told my brother and I a life education story. He said that on his mission he was pulled aside and told by a leader that not everything is funny. All these years later he has this to share. He has not found any situation that does not have something funny about it. He himself is in tears why he sits with my dad but they both find things to laugh about.
I hope that I can take that more into my life. I am too serious. I know that and I work on it everyday.

Who is really Christian.

I will outright admit I am Mormon. I will argue that I am more Christian than most people in other religions who call themselves Christian.
Many born agains try to say if you are Mormon you are not a Christian. Well I would say by that argument you are less Christian than any true Mormon out there.
My arguments also go into your beliefs and I can call them false and anti Christian and I could even go deeper into your beliefs and say your religion is not Christian. This can even go into the Catholics which every born again religion is a break off. This though is not the topic of this blog and I do not intend on going any further into this than I currently have. What I want to do is give the basics why I as a Mormon am Christian.
First. Jesus Christ is my lord and savior. This is the belief of the LDS church. He is the one that has done all for us and all paths lead to him. Joseph Smith was only one of Christ mouth pieces. Bringing us more teachings and more understanding of who Christ and are heavenly father are. Being separate in being but same is purpose.
I believe in the teachings of the bible. I know that the bible is the teachings of Christ and his prophets. This is both the old and new testament. Some of these teachings are to love and accept everyone. But I also understand that the bible as the name means is a collection of books. Not one book. This is something that many that do not know but will constantly argue about. We will always learn and our Heavenly father will never leave us on our own. He will speak to us through our prayers, our friends, His prophets and thier teachings and writings.
I am also forgiving. I do not say I am perfect and sometimes I have been quick to anger. But I forgive others like Christ and my heavenly father has required of me. This most importantly is why I am Christian. I follow Christ example. I strive to be more like him. That makes me Christian.

The Many of us.

I find that so many of us want to understand everyone. But we want to compare them to ourselves, and this limits us and makes it so that we could never understand why someone makes the choices they do.
This also goes into many different cultures. Americans are the biggest offenders of this. We look at the Orient, or the mid east or even from east coast to west coast and north to south. We think everyone should act like us, make choices like us, live like us, and have laws like us. And because we are not willing to see how someone else thinks, it makes it so that we will never understand why they do what they do.
This is why we have will continue to fight with eachother. It will come from personality differences, cultural differences and background differences. All the things we are fascinated with, and in many cases created something beautiful.
What brought this to mind for me today was watching Sunday Morning on CBS. They were talking to a singer that at 65 has come back into the spotlight. But they were talking about her past. Mostly in the 60's and 70's. She was taken back to an apartment that she moved into in 69. It was a very small one bedroom that her and her later to become gay boyfriend and bandmate. She was always ok with her former lover deciding he was gay. she had very fond memories of the small apartment. Creating music, art, and photography. She later in the 80's got married to another man and had some children. I saw this is part from her youth being able and willing to live in that very small apartment. I have a hard time understanding why she is ok with her said "Soul mate" becoming gay. Although sadly he later died from causes not stated in the story. Her husband died in the mid 90's from heart failure. So after a 15 year marriage she was on her own again. I found her life so interesting knowing I could never live her type of life but how she found so much joy in it.
But I am sure people look at me and think I must be so miserable. They would think my life is boring or tedious. But it is because of our differences that we have such a great and amazing world. So much color and other things we can look at that are beautiful.
   Opening up our minds and allowing a broader look of how others think. This is how we can create world peace or if nothing else atleast have a better understanding or our friends and loved ones.