I had a realization yesterday of how much my divorce still bugs me. Not that I want to go back to that relationship. But about the betrayal and story that went with how that relationship ended. We both were not perfect in the relationship. Although it was her that left and was the one that asked for the divorce.
I was angry for a long time. The feeling of betrayal consumed me. Many of the false stories passed along hurt.
Over the years I have mostly moved on. But yesterday a coworker who didn't know I was divorced asked me how long ago it was. I was almost shocked to say that was just over a decade ago.
Mostly I don't think of the relationship other than to say "I don't want that" with things. I learned alot about what I want and don't want in a relationship. I learned alot about what I want in a woman.
But I was surprised yesterday that I still hold some kind of sad emotion for that relationship. Some anger for that relationship.
It's something I still need to work on and move on from. Some more closure I need to work on. Not the "I don't care" mentality. But getting to the point where it does not bring up negative emotions.
I usually don't talk about it. Or I can just joke a little about it. More light hearted stuff. I can even often generically analyze it, to say I like or don't like that kind of thing.
But sadly I still have some personal triggers from it. Triggers I need to fix or get help fixing.
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